This is the story of how I completely changed my spending habits and went from spending freely without a budget to having no desire to spend money and spending money as a last resort because that’s what I wanted.
I have to start this off by saying that these changes kind of had to happen because of a bad investment, but I was determined to not just change my spending behaviors but change my complete mindset about spending.
I wanted to want to not spend.
Here what I did-
1. I read this life changing book from cover to cover
Everything started with this book. I highly recommend it to anyone who’s trying to change their financial path and is looking to want to spend less as a complete mindset shift. See, the problem as humans isn’t always that we don’t know what to do or how to make positive changes. The problem is sometimes that we lack the motivation to do the right things. This book is that motivation.
2. I watched these two Netflix documentaries
With the book mentioned above, my motivation started shifting, but as with bad habits, (like mindless or impulse spending) it’s much easier to replace a bad habit than to change a bad habit. So with these two documentaries, I started shifting my desire to spend to my desire to invest and give.
Major takeaways were that –
Most people spend on things they like and want, but the dream life is spending on things you need and love.
That means dropping that impulse purchase I saw on tik tok for yet another highlighter (like) or that mindless home decor purchase I saw just innocently walking through Target (want) and instead making sure we paid our electricity this month (need) and putting aside money for my dream infrared sauna (love).
It’s deciding what things really make for your rich life (for me massages) and not spending much or anything on things that don’t really matter to you. (for me, fancy haircuts, getting my nails done professionally, a gym membership, traveling, beauty treatments, makeup, new clothes).
3. I started a buy as the last resort principle and tried to only shop buy nothing groups or think of resourceful ways to get what I wanted/needed.
If you haven’t looked into it yet, I highly recommend joining your local buy nothing group on Facebook. It’s a freely give, freely take community. It’s easy, simple, and most gifted items are just porch pick up- you don’t even have to turn off your car or meet anyone. These groups have saved us thousands and thousands of dollars.
My boys are 7 and 10 years old and I have never had to buy them shoes, clothes, or jackets because I started saving every size from buy nothing gifts up to size 16 since they were born. I’m not exaggerating! I’ve gotten exercise machines, weights, a crib, a sofa bed, toys and so many other things from this group. I’ve also given many items. It’s easier than doing a goodwill drop off! They come pick up the items!
If I wanted or needed something, I would spend days, even weeks trying to think of resourceful ways to get the item I needed. For a long time I used a mannequin to store my jewelry because that’s what we had laying around. I only recently switched to a jewelry box that was gifted to me. It was the act of stopping and pausing and taking time between the moment I wanted something to the time I actually purchased the item that made a big difference. No more impulse buys! It became like a game to see how I could get the item without buying it!
4. I started shopping my own closet and joining round robins
For ladies this will be huge. Basically, anything you’re not wearing currently in your closet, you just go on Pinterest and type in the item- “red and white striped tank” and add the word “outfit” to the end- “red and white striped tank outfit” and then you get ideas on how to style the unused item and see if you have any of those combos in your closet!
I also started joining buy nothing round robins for more clothing. This is where you have a thread on the buy nothing group where anyone who wants clothes your size or has clothes your size would join the thread, lets say a “women’s size medium round robin,” and then it just goes through each person, you take what you want and add what you want until it goes through all the people on the thread.
5. I started tracking everything every week without fail
I’ve tried Mint, I’ve tried YNAB, but for someone who is not a number’s person, the every dollar app was a God send. You take every purchase and just slide the bubble into the right category. Easy peasy.
I put it in my weekly to do list to go through my budget because there’s just so much to keep track of, and if I did it once every month or every two weeks etc, the amount of purchases and bills would just be overwhelming. Once a week has proven to be manageable.
The point is to just see where everything is going. At one point we were spending $3k a month on eating out and groceries! I never would have known this unless I tracked it!
6. I started only eating out for special occasions
They say that people tend to spend the most on housing, transportation, and food, so if you can cut out any spending in these three areas, you’re likely to make a bigger impact in your ability to save, give, and invest than you otherwise would targeting another expense group like let’s say “pets.”
So, I started getting really black and white about going out to eat. We would do our very best to only eat out on a special occasion. It’s never perfect, but it’s been a great goal to aspire to, and when we do eat out, it feels extra extra special!
7. I stopped “budgeting” and became ruthless about “last resort spending”
One positive thing about being an all or nothing person is that it’s much easier for me to abstain than it is to be moderate. If you want to make a major financial change in a shorter amount of time, you want to be ruthless! You can dramatically change your financial situation in a smaller amount of time if you stop budgeting and adopt a last resort spending mentality. Basically I’ve gone on a permanent spending freeze unless it’s something I really need or love or something to be generous to someone else.
It meant I guarded my free time.
This meant if I was going to meet up with a girlfriend, my recommendation would be to have them over for a meal or a YouTube weight lifting session or go for a hike or a swim in the lake, not invite them out to eat or out for drinks.
This meant hosting potluck game nights instead of suggesting we meet up at a restaurant.
This meant no more let-me-hop-into-Target-since-I-have-free-time because it was guaranteed that I’d leave there having purchased something.
8. I read books to increase my financial literacy
One thing I realized is that it’s very difficult and nearly impossible to “save” your way into wealth. You have to invest it. These books above plus the two Netflix documentaries mentioned earlier all had this recommendation in common- Index Funds
So we started investing in index funds! It cuts out the money managers that take a huge percentage, so that you don’t lose out on hundreds of thousands of dollars on commissions throughout the life of your investment. There are many great ones pout there, but we love Fidelity Zero. Zero fees!
9. We started focusing on F.I.R.E goals which stand for “Financial independence retire early.”
Not that the goal is to stop working, but to have the freedom to make lifestyle choices based on our family’s values, goals, and desires and not on a paycheck. I want the freedom to live the kind of lifestyle we’d want at retirement, but sooner so we can spend more time with our kids, family, and friends before age and health become a barrier.
In traditional retirement, aka the “budgeting” camp, they are asking you to save and invest 15% of your earned income. In the F.I.R.E camp, the goal is 50%. Sacrifice now to enjoy the benefits sooner rather than later.
10. In all our ruthless saving and investing, we reminded ourselves that the point of it all was generosity.
We want to be generous with others in the present and in the future. We want to be frugal with our present selves so we can be generous with our future selves.
The point of it all is so that we don’t become a burden to others and so that richly we are blessed, richly we can give!
Ultimately, the way I believe the world works is that generosity begets abundance.
The unwritten rules of the universe say that if you withhold from helping someone, you too will be withheld from receiving help. And it sounds counterintuitive, but the more you give away, the more you actually gain.
The point of our frugality with ourselves is so that we can be generous with others and generous to our future selves.
11. I found there was more joy in creating than consuming
If you’re a Christian also, you too believe that we were created in God’s image. He is a creator, and we too like Him, find the creative process satisfying! I dabble in a lot of things creative that keep me busy creating instead consuming. I too fall into the trap of mindless browsing, but creating never makes me feel bad the way mindless scrolling and spending do.
Some of my creative outlets- I have a Tik Tok for my dog, I designed this Airbnb and this Airbnb, I wrote a relationship book for teenage girls that I market on Tik tok, I moderate an Apple shapes group on Facebook, I help people remotely with interior decor mock ups, and I write this blog.
What I’m saying is that by fulfilling that God-given role of creator, I feel less of a need to consume because I’m so busy creating. Hope that makes sense and also rings true for you on this journey.
12. I kept myself out of harms way
Like I mentioned earlier, you know you’re not going to go to Target on your free time without walking out having bought something, so don’t even go!
That’s what I started to do. I stopped going to places that made me automatically spend money.
When I scrolled Tik Tok, I wouldn’t even stop on any posts that said “sponsored post” or “creator earns commission.”
I don’t hardly even go to thrift stores unless it’s an outing suggested by my friend to go with them.
Keep yourself away from temptation.
13. I reminded myself that the best things in life are free anyway
Friendship, love, kisses from my kids, cuddles from my dog, an invigorating hike with a view done with my dog and a friend, play dates that include hot tea and laughter, moving my body and sweating to get endorphins, walking into a warm ocean, watching a spectacular sunset, getting into crisp sheets after a shower, playing board games with my family on a random Tuesday, pouring my heart out to my hubby in bed after lights are out, forest bathing, sitting outside and letting the sun hit my face, grounding on warm summer grass, singing and harmonizing with my siblings over the piano, sex, taking a nap, going for a swim, finding a new magazine or book at the library, etc etc etc.
This is my list. I recommend you make a list that’s specific to you. And I’d love to know what’s on your list!
These 13 things really did make my spending unrecognizable by 2025. Do you have any saving or money hacks? I’d love to know!